Alienation

19/02/22, another day has gone by and I head down the hallway. The floor covered with a dingy navy blue carpet.

‘4 years of this…’ i think to myself.

The walls meanwhile are smothered with images of dead physicists , all competing in who can sycophantically worship at the altar of physics harder. One peculiar fellow states

‘I want to know god’s thoughts , the rest are details’

Max stirner was correct , I smile to myself.

My phone starts buzzing cutting off my thought process. It’s my aunt in Mogadishu, no doubt she wants to talk about my father. I ignore it and make my way to the steel elevator scoffing at the covid19 posters plastered all over it.

Entering the elevator I am hit with a fond memory of my ex. We had a weird pact where we always tried to kiss in elevators. I chuckle at the ridiculousness of it and remind me its been more than a year and hit ground.

I exit into the courtyard. There I am greeted by still air, it’s bluish humid essence irking me. I then spend a few minutes looking around, finding nothing I continue down the path to home.

To counter the weather I pull out my phone, searching for a good song. One that could induce the trance, a trance that transports me onto the outer edges of consciousness. One in which I exist and I don’t simultaneously, one where I can smile instead of dread the drone of existence.

Finally one song piqued my interest, ‘Head Shot’ a melodious song about ruthless murder. It always amazes me that these songs glorifying death, misogyny and poverty hold the keys to the trance, keys which bring joy to billions across the world.

Perhaps its the lack of power in all our lives, the alienation from our primoradial existence that induces this trance. Perhaps its the realization that existence is but death delayed, the alienation from the one truth, that induces this trance. Or perhaps, for me at least, its the lack of a proper connection with people , alienation from society, that induces this trance.

Whatever it is I love the feeling.

I turn up the music , finally getting relief from the alienation.

Headshot! i whisper to myself as i slip into the trance.